It is way too early to say, of course, but this morning I realized I needed gas for the commute. When I got to the gas station I promptly threw my credit card into the trash can, along with a banana peel and used coffee cup (not mine).
I looked under the car and car seat, and eventually had to stick my head into the large plastic trash can and fish around until I found my credit card.
I popped open the gas tank cover, but also popped open the trunk. I pumped gas, then got on Lakeshore Drive and cruised for a while before I realized my trunk was still open.
Duh.
IUI #2 was Apr 3, Saturday, around 630pm. It is hard to say when I detected a surge; it seems to have been sometime between 730pm and midnight Friday. I was out dancing, and at the dance studio it is hard to wait in a bathroom for ten minutes for the results to show up. I scheduled the appointment, then panicked when I thought it might be too early, and then panicked again when I thought it might be too late. The poor on-call health worker at CWHC tolerated my multiple phone calls, one waking her up shortly after 7am on Saturday morning, and was very patient and flexible.
The insemination itself was a bit uncomfortable this time. I actually felt it when she pushed the plunger, forcing the swimmers through the catheter. I hope everything ended up where it was supposed to. I did feel much calmer this time around, and was able to lie back, relax, and meditate for a bit before and after.
After the insemination I went home and watched a DVD, falling asleep and forgetting to take my progesterone. I woke up in the middle of the night with uncomfortable abdominal pressure on my left side, which has also been very sensitive during acupuncture. I hope it was ovulation pain, in which case the timing would have been good.
Easter Sunday I was eager to go to lunch with a large and loud Italian family, and also to see the Tony Kushner play The Illusion at the Court Theater, followed by dinner with friends M and F. I felt bloated and quite uncomfortable, so canceled all plans so I could lie around watching Masterpiece Mystery and making pad thai at home.
Thus I enter another 2ww.
Right before I left for my appointment, I sent an email to a handful of people in my study group at Siddha Yoga letting them know what I was doing and asking them to invoke some grace for me. In response, my friend J sent me this passage about courage:
…having courage means engaging in every single situation as a blessing from God, as a loving gesture of nature. Courage means rising to meet the demands of each moment with total delight, knowing you are equal to it. Courage means having faith that within you is an innate force whose essence is never depleted by external events. Live your life courageously, dharmically, knowing that whatever you are faced with is not stronger than you are. You are equal to each other…
-- Gurumayi (Courage and Contentment, pp. 7-8; also in Sadhana of the Heart, p. 52)
And that, more or less, fits with what I've been thinking about the TTC process lately, that it isn't so much about making up for some lack or loss in my life, but rather, an act of love and courage, and possibly, an act of service to the universe. No matter what the difficulties and challenges, I will do my best and act with joy, fearlessness, and a sense of my dharmic duty with every step of this journey.
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