Not pregnant, I think

I was confused about when exactly I should test. My first insemination was around 530pm the Thursday before last, and the second was early Friday morning, 2 weeks ago. The health workers at CWHC said I should test yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I don't even have that many pregnancy tests, because I gave half of them away.

I was going to wait but had to move about 75 pounds of solid wood up 3 flights of stairs yesterday (new bed frame arrived), and realized I probably shouldn't be doing this by myself if I was indeed pregnant. So I tested and it was negative. The result "Not Pregnant" came up quite clearly in a window on the Clear Blue Easy test.

I'm not sure what the point would be of me testing again today and tomorrow, but I still haven't gotten my period. They say Clomid delays the surge and the period, but as it turns out I surged exactly the same time I thought I would based on basal body temperature charts. Still, the Clomid is probably why I haven't gotten my period yet.

Anyway, I might test again today or tomorrow, or I might just wait for Aunt Flo, as it were. (I really don't like that name, but for what it is worth, it is another TTC acronym: AF for Aunt Flow.)

I'm disappointed, of course, but it confirms what I was feeling about a week ago, that things were feeling very normal and that it probably didn't take. I could speculate on the timing and all the factors that go into it, but at this point, I'm going to move forward and wait to start next cycle with a different donor. I might try for a mid-cycle ultrasound this time, and see if I can get a trigger shot to time the insemination more precisely.

One of the things that is a bit difficult about getting the BFN (big fat negative) is that you feel foolish for having hoped otherwise. I was thinking about names, for example. And I can imagine that the disappointment snowballs if you get month after month of BFNs, like many women do. Still, I keep in mind that even for healthy women using fresh sperm it takes 6-10 cycles to conceive, and my chances of success were only about 15%.

Thanks to all who were concerned enough to email or text yesterday. It is a lot of pressure getting questions from everyone at the end of the 2WW, so I ask that you wait for results here. The waiting is part of the journey too, but I do sincerely appreciate all of you being on this journey with me.