After insemination I was supposed to take a dose of progesterone every day for 14 days, at which point I pee on a stick and test for pregnancy. If I'm not pregnant, I can stop taking it. Progesterone is supposed promote gestation, hence the name. It helps make the uterine lining more conducive for implantation. So far I don't have any serious side effects from this, other than a bit of bloating and breast tenderness.
The progesterone comes in the form of little suppositories, about the size and shape of one of those foam ear plugs. Many pharmacies don't stock them; you have to go to a "compounding pharmacy" where they make the suppositories for you. The Walgreens at Clark and Barry in Lakeview makes them, but sometimes you have to wait a night to pick them up. I guess the people who work the night shift make the suppositories when things are slow. I am supposed to put one in every night.
Thursday morning I was sitting on my bedroom floor when I saw a white thing on the floor... I guess I hadn't done a good job putting in the suppository, so it slipped out when I was sleeping and fell under the bed. Ooops.
The health workers at CWHC say it is no big deal, and that I should just continue taking my nightly dose.
Yesterday was also the first day since insemination I started feeling more or less normal again. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with the missed dose. Today I did a whole yoga workout without much modification. Physically, I definitely feel different now than I did the first five days. I'm wondering if feeling more like myself again means it didn't work. I have a gut feeling that it didn't work this time, but who knows? I'm already thinking ahead to the next cycle, to how I will be on break for the next 3 weeks and that the lack of stress will make it a better cycle somehow.
It feels weird to only be at the mid-point of my 2 week wait, but fortunately I'm feeling Ok about the waiting and the uncertainty.
One thing is for sure: I now feel quite wholeheartedly happy that I've started the process. I thought I would still have residual doubt, but I've been thinking about SMC-hood quite differently the past few months and now I know that I definitely want to try this, and will make my best efforts while leaving the rest up to the universe.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Preg-not-nant
The 2ww (2 week wait) is a very strange time.
I may be pregnant. I may be not pregnant. A funny lady at my alternative insemination support group dubbed it the state of "preg-not-nant." I won't know until day 14 (after insemination) when I take a pregnancy test, another stick on which I have to pee.
My body is doing strange things. Starting the day of the first insemination I had awful bloating and abdominal pressure. It did not feel like cramping, and did not feel like ovulation pain. I thought maybe I'd had two much papaya. The pressure didn't go away for about a day or two. Then I realized it was the Clomid at work. I hadn't felt anything from the Clomid so far, but I suppose the drug does what it is supposed to do even after you've taken your last dose.
Yesterday I woke up with what felt like too much core work during yoga class. My mid-abdominal muscles were sore. I went about my day mostly as usual, doing some yoga, trying out mattresses at the mattress store, contra dancing in a hot, crowded, sweaty room, and eating leftover Filipino noodles late at night.
My acupuncturist told me not to do yoga. She said too much stretching could cause miscarriage. This really surprised me because I always assumed yoga would help relax me and improve circulation. She'd said the first five days after insemination were really important, so I assume she meant I should only skip yoga this week. I certainly hope so, as I'm unlikely to want to give up a regular practice which has done wonders for me, body and soul, for the term of the pregnancy, IF I am pregnant that is.
I went to yoga anyway, but chatted with my yoga teacher beforehand about Dr. Yang's concerns. She was a bit surprised too, but said maybe I should just take it easy. So I did all the sun salutations and the standing poses, and avoided core work and anything that involved lying on my tummy. Then I went into savasana and dozed peacefully until the end of class. It was very pleasant, and hopefully did not prevent things from doing what they are supposed to do!
Throughout the entire thinking period I was caught up in the energy of overcoming obstacles. I felt like so many people had said NO to me, my insurance company, my ex-boyfriend, my sister's spirit medium (a good story for another time). It felt like the universe was telling me it did not approve of what I was doing. During the past few days, I realized that the universe has actually paved the way for me to become an SMC, and I've been too busy with worry and anxiety to notice all the positive, encouraging, amazing things that have come into my life.
I may be pregnant. I may be not pregnant. A funny lady at my alternative insemination support group dubbed it the state of "preg-not-nant." I won't know until day 14 (after insemination) when I take a pregnancy test, another stick on which I have to pee.
My body is doing strange things. Starting the day of the first insemination I had awful bloating and abdominal pressure. It did not feel like cramping, and did not feel like ovulation pain. I thought maybe I'd had two much papaya. The pressure didn't go away for about a day or two. Then I realized it was the Clomid at work. I hadn't felt anything from the Clomid so far, but I suppose the drug does what it is supposed to do even after you've taken your last dose.
Yesterday I woke up with what felt like too much core work during yoga class. My mid-abdominal muscles were sore. I went about my day mostly as usual, doing some yoga, trying out mattresses at the mattress store, contra dancing in a hot, crowded, sweaty room, and eating leftover Filipino noodles late at night.
My acupuncturist told me not to do yoga. She said too much stretching could cause miscarriage. This really surprised me because I always assumed yoga would help relax me and improve circulation. She'd said the first five days after insemination were really important, so I assume she meant I should only skip yoga this week. I certainly hope so, as I'm unlikely to want to give up a regular practice which has done wonders for me, body and soul, for the term of the pregnancy, IF I am pregnant that is.
I went to yoga anyway, but chatted with my yoga teacher beforehand about Dr. Yang's concerns. She was a bit surprised too, but said maybe I should just take it easy. So I did all the sun salutations and the standing poses, and avoided core work and anything that involved lying on my tummy. Then I went into savasana and dozed peacefully until the end of class. It was very pleasant, and hopefully did not prevent things from doing what they are supposed to do!
Throughout the entire thinking period I was caught up in the energy of overcoming obstacles. I felt like so many people had said NO to me, my insurance company, my ex-boyfriend, my sister's spirit medium (a good story for another time). It felt like the universe was telling me it did not approve of what I was doing. During the past few days, I realized that the universe has actually paved the way for me to become an SMC, and I've been too busy with worry and anxiety to notice all the positive, encouraging, amazing things that have come into my life.
- Having to drop out of graduate school gave me a stability I craved, and a stability I need to do this.
- I have a good job.
- The breakup freed me to go ahead with this instead of waiting for him to make up his mind.
- I have my own home, with a lake view! I always wanted a lake view, but never thought it was possible.
- New, supportive friends (even if they are sometimes a ball of anxiety) have come into my life and joined me on this journey.
- I have a fulfilling spiritual practice that would not have been possible while I was with my ex. There was just too much negative energy between us.
- Through Siddha Yoga I also have a support network of immensely wise and kind and generous people who will be there for me if I need it.
- Even though my insurance won't cover me, I found a non-profit that will do my inseminations for an affordable amount of money. They even approved my appeal to reduce my monthly fee a bit more, so I could potentially try more times.
Women often lament how difficult it is to not obsess over the results during the 2ww. I know that I will suffer from this too, but in the meantime, I try to practice gratitude for all the blessings I have, regardless of what the result will be.
Friday, March 5, 2010
IUI #1
After a few false starts, I finally made the transition from "thinking" to "trying" in Feb 2010. I started taking Clomid on days 5 through 9 of my cycle. Clomid is a commonly-used drug to stimulate the ovaries and make them produce more follicles. There is a chance of producing twins. On day 12 I began testing for a LH surge that would signal ovulation.
A very kind SMC in Chicago (who got pregnant on her second IUI), gave me a big bag of OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) she no longer needed.
This process is called Peeing On a Stick (POAS), but the test strips I was using actually had to be carefully dipped in a sample of urine, so I had to also get a bunch of little cups. I prefer this method to the peeing on a stick method, as that gets messy. The test sticks you pee on also come with individual plastic casings, which I think makes them a bit more expensive, not to mention a bit more wasteful in terms of resources.
The first time I tested I put the wrong end of the test strip into my pee. Nothing happened except things got soggy, and I didn't know how to read it. Luckily, my friend S had tested a week before, and learned how to use them. When it came time for me to test, we mulled over it through a series of back-and-forth text messages.
I used the OPKs from http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/. The strips are basic but inexpensive. The website contains detailed instructions, a video, and a gallery of positive test strips from the maker! On day 14 I started panicking when I didn't see a positive result. This was partly due to the fact that I'd counted as day one the day I started spotting around 7pm. Most REs tell their patients to count as day one the first day of full flow. Also, Clomid tends to alter ovulation (usually delaying it). This calculator helps you figure out the ovulation date after the last Clomid dose: http://babymed.com/Tools/fertility/clomid/Default.aspx.
Around 6pm on Wed Mar 3, I finally saw a positive LH surge through testing with an ovulation predictor kit.
On the afternoon of Thursday Mar 4 I went in to the Chicago Women's Health Center for my first insemination. The health worker thawed my frozen sperm, and put a half drop of it on a microscope slide and let me look at them. Many of the swimmers were swimming quite vigorously, which made me happy. (It only takes one, I kept telling myself.) Others were completely inert, still waiting to wake up from the thaw perhaps, and yet other swimmers were bumping around on the slide looking sluggish and confused, not unlike a man who refuses to ask for directions.
The insemination itself was really easy. As with many pelvic exams or PAP smears, the worst part was having the speculum put in. Once it was in, the health worker said she saw signs that I was definitely within my ovulating window. You can tell this by looking at the opening to the cervix (the os) and the amount of fertile cervical fluid coming out of it.
I didn't feel a thing as she threaded the catheter through the os and injected the sperm inside. I chatted with my friend S who was kind enough to come with me. Afterwards I lay on the table relaxing for about ten or fifteen minutes before getting up and getting dressed again.
The next day, Friday Mar 5, I went in first thing in the morning, for my second insemination. This one was a bit less comfortable because she had to adjust the speculum a few times. It also seemed to take longer to thread the catheter, but there was still fertile cervical fluid visible, which I took to be a good sign.
I start progesterone tonight, for 14 nights, before I take a pregnancy test. Chances of success with these procedures are about 15%, I believe.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
A very kind SMC in Chicago (who got pregnant on her second IUI), gave me a big bag of OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) she no longer needed.
This process is called Peeing On a Stick (POAS), but the test strips I was using actually had to be carefully dipped in a sample of urine, so I had to also get a bunch of little cups. I prefer this method to the peeing on a stick method, as that gets messy. The test sticks you pee on also come with individual plastic casings, which I think makes them a bit more expensive, not to mention a bit more wasteful in terms of resources.
The first time I tested I put the wrong end of the test strip into my pee. Nothing happened except things got soggy, and I didn't know how to read it. Luckily, my friend S had tested a week before, and learned how to use them. When it came time for me to test, we mulled over it through a series of back-and-forth text messages.
I used the OPKs from http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/. The strips are basic but inexpensive. The website contains detailed instructions, a video, and a gallery of positive test strips from the maker! On day 14 I started panicking when I didn't see a positive result. This was partly due to the fact that I'd counted as day one the day I started spotting around 7pm. Most REs tell their patients to count as day one the first day of full flow. Also, Clomid tends to alter ovulation (usually delaying it). This calculator helps you figure out the ovulation date after the last Clomid dose: http://babymed.com/Tools/fertility/clomid/Default.aspx.
Around 6pm on Wed Mar 3, I finally saw a positive LH surge through testing with an ovulation predictor kit.
On the afternoon of Thursday Mar 4 I went in to the Chicago Women's Health Center for my first insemination. The health worker thawed my frozen sperm, and put a half drop of it on a microscope slide and let me look at them. Many of the swimmers were swimming quite vigorously, which made me happy. (It only takes one, I kept telling myself.) Others were completely inert, still waiting to wake up from the thaw perhaps, and yet other swimmers were bumping around on the slide looking sluggish and confused, not unlike a man who refuses to ask for directions.
The insemination itself was really easy. As with many pelvic exams or PAP smears, the worst part was having the speculum put in. Once it was in, the health worker said she saw signs that I was definitely within my ovulating window. You can tell this by looking at the opening to the cervix (the os) and the amount of fertile cervical fluid coming out of it.
I didn't feel a thing as she threaded the catheter through the os and injected the sperm inside. I chatted with my friend S who was kind enough to come with me. Afterwards I lay on the table relaxing for about ten or fifteen minutes before getting up and getting dressed again.
The next day, Friday Mar 5, I went in first thing in the morning, for my second insemination. This one was a bit less comfortable because she had to adjust the speculum a few times. It also seemed to take longer to thread the catheter, but there was still fertile cervical fluid visible, which I took to be a good sign.
I start progesterone tonight, for 14 nights, before I take a pregnancy test. Chances of success with these procedures are about 15%, I believe.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dating rant
This post is unrelated to my status as an SMC, except maybe for the fact that since I'm not desperately seeking to settle for someone just to have fresh (instead of frozen) sperm and a warm body with me as I become a mom, I feel I can afford to be a bit more discerning and perhaps less forgiving of the thoughtlessness rampant in the online dating world.
There are some things in the online dating world that bother me:
Age
Frequently I get winks (a slightly lazy, low-overhead, low-commitment way to indicate interest in a profile) from men in their mid 50s. I'm 38 so I don't have a big problem with that, especially if I'm going to become an SMC anyway. On closer inspection, however, these men indicate that the age range for women they are interested in meeting is 18-45. Seriously?? A man in his 50s wanting to meet someone possibly 18 years old? Does he realize that other women who might seriously consider meeting him would be completely turned off by seeing this in his profile?
Body type
On match.com you have to describe yourself as one of the following body types:
No answer
Slender
Athletic and toned
About average
Curvy
A few extra pounds
Stocky
Heavyset
Big and beautiful
Full-figured
Um, I don't really know the difference between some of these, but I consider myself about average. Actually, I consider myself as having a few extra pounds, but that is the kiss of death on online dating sites. If you list that in your profile, I don't think men will even see your profile as they often search with a much narrower set of body type criteria. Many, many promising profiles I've viewed list only TWO body types as desirable: slender, and athletic and toned. I usually don't bother trying to contact a man like that. Sure, men will be men, and they like what they like, and I'm sure I can be as shallow (I can't stand poor posture, for example), but a narrow body type preference just doesn't really say very positive things about a person. Besides I'm neither slender nor athletic/toned; I don't think that makes me unattractive or undesirable, but so many men seem to (according to their profiles).
I've NEVER seen anyone describe themselves as heavyset, big and beautiful, full-figured, or even curvy. Stocky I've seen about twice, and everyone who isn't about average or thinner says they have a few extra pounds, even if those few pounds are in excess of 20 or 30. But that's OK, since we all dwell in this shallow world and I myself could afford to eat less ice cream and be more svelte.
Race
I don't want to date the kind of man who only seeks out Asian women, and I don't care what they say to justify it, it is creepy. I don't list my race because I don't want it to be a searchable factor. (See It Only Takes One.) I always get the impression that what these men want is a flat, over-sexualized fantasy of a woman, exotic, submissive, petite, not too demanding, someone who will make him feel good about himself. In other words, not a real person with intellect and a unique personality.
It is also a red flag to me when a man lists a small range of ethnicities for the women he wants to meet. This is a very complex issue, because I can sort of understand if someone only wants to meet someone of their own ethnicity, even though I have never felt that way myself.
I am leery of someone who lists almost all ethnicities except African-American. Obviously, our ethnic backgrounds are not that clear-cut. Even if you want someone who looks a certain way, I'm Asian but could look quite different from someone from the Philipines or Indonesia or Malaysia. A woman who is of African descent could also be of some other descent, so how is she to categorize herself? I suppose the darker skin color trumps, when you have to put yourself into categories that don't really match reality. And besides, what is it about Asian women or African-American women that makes them all the same with everyone else in that category? You really can't say "culture," since that doesn't necessarily match skin color. You can't even say "hair color" anymore.
I'm not saying race doesn't matter, but the question of WHY it matters, and WHAT exactly matters when we pick someone of a certain race... well, that's too hard a question to get into right now. It is just a red flag to me when someone picks all possibilities but one.
Spelling, grammar, and punctuation
I'm not a great writer but I try. As a teacher, I can't help but care about how people write. I care about punctuation, grammar, and spelling. (See It Only Takes One.) So it is really sad and often funny to see a badly-written profile.
Cliches
Laid back? Easygoing? For me these are little baci of death. WHAT exactly does it say about you that you are laid back and easygoing? Are you lazy and don't really care about stuff? Do you not have your own views and opinions? Do you let others make decisions for you? Are you undiscriminating, undiscerning? Too much of a pothead? And what does it really say about you that you like "having fun" or "hanging out with friends"? Who doesn't?
I will stop ranting now.
In a way, these red flags are useful for weeding out the men we're not interested in. My single friends and I are always on the lookout for men who seem articulate, smart, funny, and genuine in their profiles. These are few and far between, but even if they turn out to be jerks in real life, it is cause for celebration that they didn't put a poorly-written, meaningless, or cliched profile into cyberspace. Then, you hope that they are actually nice, interesting people, and that they were truthful in their profiles.
There are some things in the online dating world that bother me:
Age
Frequently I get winks (a slightly lazy, low-overhead, low-commitment way to indicate interest in a profile) from men in their mid 50s. I'm 38 so I don't have a big problem with that, especially if I'm going to become an SMC anyway. On closer inspection, however, these men indicate that the age range for women they are interested in meeting is 18-45. Seriously?? A man in his 50s wanting to meet someone possibly 18 years old? Does he realize that other women who might seriously consider meeting him would be completely turned off by seeing this in his profile?
Body type
On match.com you have to describe yourself as one of the following body types:
No answer
Slender
Athletic and toned
About average
Curvy
A few extra pounds
Stocky
Heavyset
Big and beautiful
Full-figured
Um, I don't really know the difference between some of these, but I consider myself about average. Actually, I consider myself as having a few extra pounds, but that is the kiss of death on online dating sites. If you list that in your profile, I don't think men will even see your profile as they often search with a much narrower set of body type criteria. Many, many promising profiles I've viewed list only TWO body types as desirable: slender, and athletic and toned. I usually don't bother trying to contact a man like that. Sure, men will be men, and they like what they like, and I'm sure I can be as shallow (I can't stand poor posture, for example), but a narrow body type preference just doesn't really say very positive things about a person. Besides I'm neither slender nor athletic/toned; I don't think that makes me unattractive or undesirable, but so many men seem to (according to their profiles).
I've NEVER seen anyone describe themselves as heavyset, big and beautiful, full-figured, or even curvy. Stocky I've seen about twice, and everyone who isn't about average or thinner says they have a few extra pounds, even if those few pounds are in excess of 20 or 30. But that's OK, since we all dwell in this shallow world and I myself could afford to eat less ice cream and be more svelte.
Race
I don't want to date the kind of man who only seeks out Asian women, and I don't care what they say to justify it, it is creepy. I don't list my race because I don't want it to be a searchable factor. (See It Only Takes One.) I always get the impression that what these men want is a flat, over-sexualized fantasy of a woman, exotic, submissive, petite, not too demanding, someone who will make him feel good about himself. In other words, not a real person with intellect and a unique personality.
It is also a red flag to me when a man lists a small range of ethnicities for the women he wants to meet. This is a very complex issue, because I can sort of understand if someone only wants to meet someone of their own ethnicity, even though I have never felt that way myself.
I am leery of someone who lists almost all ethnicities except African-American. Obviously, our ethnic backgrounds are not that clear-cut. Even if you want someone who looks a certain way, I'm Asian but could look quite different from someone from the Philipines or Indonesia or Malaysia. A woman who is of African descent could also be of some other descent, so how is she to categorize herself? I suppose the darker skin color trumps, when you have to put yourself into categories that don't really match reality. And besides, what is it about Asian women or African-American women that makes them all the same with everyone else in that category? You really can't say "culture," since that doesn't necessarily match skin color. You can't even say "hair color" anymore.
I'm not saying race doesn't matter, but the question of WHY it matters, and WHAT exactly matters when we pick someone of a certain race... well, that's too hard a question to get into right now. It is just a red flag to me when someone picks all possibilities but one.
Spelling, grammar, and punctuation
I'm not a great writer but I try. As a teacher, I can't help but care about how people write. I care about punctuation, grammar, and spelling. (See It Only Takes One.) So it is really sad and often funny to see a badly-written profile.
Cliches
Laid back? Easygoing? For me these are little baci of death. WHAT exactly does it say about you that you are laid back and easygoing? Are you lazy and don't really care about stuff? Do you not have your own views and opinions? Do you let others make decisions for you? Are you undiscriminating, undiscerning? Too much of a pothead? And what does it really say about you that you like "having fun" or "hanging out with friends"? Who doesn't?
I will stop ranting now.
In a way, these red flags are useful for weeding out the men we're not interested in. My single friends and I are always on the lookout for men who seem articulate, smart, funny, and genuine in their profiles. These are few and far between, but even if they turn out to be jerks in real life, it is cause for celebration that they didn't put a poorly-written, meaningless, or cliched profile into cyberspace. Then, you hope that they are actually nice, interesting people, and that they were truthful in their profiles.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Escapades with liquid nitrogen
After insurance setback #1, I decided to proceed at the Chicago Women's Health Center, a non-profit dedicated to making health care available to all women. They have an alternative insemination program that has a sliding-scale monthly fee, which for me ends up being about the same as what I would pay at a fertility doctor with insurance coverage.
Chicago Women's Health Center
www.chicagowomenshealthcenter.org
3435 North Sheffield Avenue
Chicago, IL 60657-1641
(773) 935-6126
So, this week I had to pick up my swimmers and drive them from the fertility clinic to the non-profit in a liquid nitrogen tank. The andrologist at the fertility clinic was very sweet and very helpful; she charged up a tank and gave me instructions on how I should keep it from tipping over. "Strap it in like a baby," she said. I'm thinking, in a car seat? I don't have a car set. I did however set the tank in a box, and used the seat belt to secure it. I drove gingerly from the Gold Coast to Lakeview, and made it without mishap to the CWHC.
I walked in and announced to the receptionist "I brought sperm!"
I also got to watch them deposit the sperm in their nitrogen tank, which sat in the corner of an office, next to some filing cabinets. Needless to say, it was a very non-clinical type of atmosphere.
Afterwards I figured I no longer needed to keep the tank upright so I put it into the trunk of my car. As I was driving I heard something tip over, and then heard creaking noises coming from behind me. I pulled over and opened the trunk, only to have waves of dry-ice type fog flow out. The tank had indeed tipped over, and the liquid nitrogen in it had spilled out. I put it back in its upright position, and assumed no damage was done. Incidentally I had been driving around with a bag of stuff to return to my ex, but it was something I never really got around to doing. Some of the liquid nitrogen spilled on a couple of his CDs, but as far as I could tell they were still OK. I imagined the awkwardness of having to explain, as I returned his cracked belongings, that I'd accidentally spilled liquid nitrogen on them as I was escorting my sperm to my provider. This was a conversation better had in my head than in reality, I think.
I am not sure how many people have spilled liquid nitrogen in the back of their car while driving frozen sperm around town, but I must say I was glad I did not get pulled over or have to explain the oddness to a police officer. Perhaps I should call Car Talk and ask Click and Clack if I need to be concerned. I'm sure they would get a kick out of it.
Chicago Women's Health Center
www.chicagowomenshealthcenter.
3435 North Sheffield Avenue
Chicago, IL 60657-1641
(773) 935-6126
So, this week I had to pick up my swimmers and drive them from the fertility clinic to the non-profit in a liquid nitrogen tank. The andrologist at the fertility clinic was very sweet and very helpful; she charged up a tank and gave me instructions on how I should keep it from tipping over. "Strap it in like a baby," she said. I'm thinking, in a car seat? I don't have a car set. I did however set the tank in a box, and used the seat belt to secure it. I drove gingerly from the Gold Coast to Lakeview, and made it without mishap to the CWHC.
I walked in and announced to the receptionist "I brought sperm!"
I also got to watch them deposit the sperm in their nitrogen tank, which sat in the corner of an office, next to some filing cabinets. Needless to say, it was a very non-clinical type of atmosphere.
Afterwards I figured I no longer needed to keep the tank upright so I put it into the trunk of my car. As I was driving I heard something tip over, and then heard creaking noises coming from behind me. I pulled over and opened the trunk, only to have waves of dry-ice type fog flow out. The tank had indeed tipped over, and the liquid nitrogen in it had spilled out. I put it back in its upright position, and assumed no damage was done. Incidentally I had been driving around with a bag of stuff to return to my ex, but it was something I never really got around to doing. Some of the liquid nitrogen spilled on a couple of his CDs, but as far as I could tell they were still OK. I imagined the awkwardness of having to explain, as I returned his cracked belongings, that I'd accidentally spilled liquid nitrogen on them as I was escorting my sperm to my provider. This was a conversation better had in my head than in reality, I think.
I am not sure how many people have spilled liquid nitrogen in the back of their car while driving frozen sperm around town, but I must say I was glad I did not get pulled over or have to explain the oddness to a police officer. Perhaps I should call Car Talk and ask Click and Clack if I need to be concerned. I'm sure they would get a kick out of it.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Getting pinned
Several weeks before starting TTC I called and made an appointment with Dr. Yang, a Chinese acupuncturist who specializes in fertility. My friend S had seen her years ago for fertility acupuncture, and had many positive things to say about her.
I found her office on Michigan Ave, a pretty utilitarian space with a small waiting area and fluorescent lighting. Her clients seemed quite multi-national; there was an African man there waiting for his wife, and a Chinese man waiting for his wife. Perhaps Chinese acupuncturists have a different attitude towards patient privacy, or perhaps she assumed nobody could understand her conversation in Chinese, but as I filled out forms I listened to Dr. Yang talk to this man in Chinese about how he could improve the potency of his sperm by avoiding hot tubs and too many soy products.
Our consultation was encouraging. She looked at my medical history and asked me some questions. She was very knowledgeable about fertility, and all the Western procedures and protocols for IUIs, IVFs, and so on. She took my pulse, examined my tongue, and said 还不错 (haibucuo - not bad). I had no specific fertility problems to address, but wanted to do what I could to make sure my inseminations would be successful. So she began a series of treatments to help stimulate and regulate the ovaries, and to help reduce stress.
I love acupuncture, even though it actually does hurt a little bit. You lie down on this table, she sticks a bunch of pins into you at the magic places, then turns off the lights, turns on a heat lamp over your feet, pipes in some cheesy Chinese restaurant music, and leaves you for a while. Sometimes she tells me to relax; other times she tells me to breathe deeply and focus on my abdominal area. It is supposed to be a half hour, but I loose track of time, doze off, and am often slightly startled when she bustles back into the room and turns the lights back on.
She also gave me some generic Chinese herbal pills for women. I'd asked about herbal medicine, what my colleague L likes to call "nastea," but she said it might be too strong for me.
For now, I'm going about once a week, sometimes more. She wants me to come in more often right before and after the insemination. She charges less than other places, but she also wants you to come in more often.
This is one classic example of the type of decision you have to make during TTC, which can be an incredibly expensive process. Do you pay for acupuncture, with the hope that it will save you money in the long run? Do you buy 2 vials and have 2 inseminations per cycle, with the hope that it will cover your fertile window a bit more and save you from having to pay for another insemination? Do you risk having multiples with the hormone medication, knowing things will cost twice as much in the future?
I don't have any answers, but am practicing making my efforts while letting the universe take care of things I can't control. I like acupuncture, and do find that it seems to be doing something. My abdominal area tingles after treatment, and I do feel relaxed. Besides, I like talking to Dr. Yang; she is the only doctor giving me any advice at the moment.
Dr. Licai Yang has offices in Chicago and the suburbs.
http://www.fertility-fertility-fertility.com/
She charges $90 for the first treatment with consultation, and $60 for each subsequent visit. She has very flexible hours, including evenings and weekends.
Another great resource is Randine Lewis's book The Infertility Cure. She explains the TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) approach to fertility in great detail, and suggests many things you can do on your own to regulate the systems that affect fertility.
I found her office on Michigan Ave, a pretty utilitarian space with a small waiting area and fluorescent lighting. Her clients seemed quite multi-national; there was an African man there waiting for his wife, and a Chinese man waiting for his wife. Perhaps Chinese acupuncturists have a different attitude towards patient privacy, or perhaps she assumed nobody could understand her conversation in Chinese, but as I filled out forms I listened to Dr. Yang talk to this man in Chinese about how he could improve the potency of his sperm by avoiding hot tubs and too many soy products.
Our consultation was encouraging. She looked at my medical history and asked me some questions. She was very knowledgeable about fertility, and all the Western procedures and protocols for IUIs, IVFs, and so on. She took my pulse, examined my tongue, and said 还不错 (haibucuo - not bad). I had no specific fertility problems to address, but wanted to do what I could to make sure my inseminations would be successful. So she began a series of treatments to help stimulate and regulate the ovaries, and to help reduce stress.
I love acupuncture, even though it actually does hurt a little bit. You lie down on this table, she sticks a bunch of pins into you at the magic places, then turns off the lights, turns on a heat lamp over your feet, pipes in some cheesy Chinese restaurant music, and leaves you for a while. Sometimes she tells me to relax; other times she tells me to breathe deeply and focus on my abdominal area. It is supposed to be a half hour, but I loose track of time, doze off, and am often slightly startled when she bustles back into the room and turns the lights back on.
She also gave me some generic Chinese herbal pills for women. I'd asked about herbal medicine, what my colleague L likes to call "nastea," but she said it might be too strong for me.
For now, I'm going about once a week, sometimes more. She wants me to come in more often right before and after the insemination. She charges less than other places, but she also wants you to come in more often.
This is one classic example of the type of decision you have to make during TTC, which can be an incredibly expensive process. Do you pay for acupuncture, with the hope that it will save you money in the long run? Do you buy 2 vials and have 2 inseminations per cycle, with the hope that it will cover your fertile window a bit more and save you from having to pay for another insemination? Do you risk having multiples with the hormone medication, knowing things will cost twice as much in the future?
I don't have any answers, but am practicing making my efforts while letting the universe take care of things I can't control. I like acupuncture, and do find that it seems to be doing something. My abdominal area tingles after treatment, and I do feel relaxed. Besides, I like talking to Dr. Yang; she is the only doctor giving me any advice at the moment.
Dr. Licai Yang has offices in Chicago and the suburbs.
http://www.fertility-fertility-fertility.com/
She charges $90 for the first treatment with consultation, and $60 for each subsequent visit. She has very flexible hours, including evenings and weekends.
Another great resource is Randine Lewis's book The Infertility Cure. She explains the TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) approach to fertility in great detail, and suggests many things you can do on your own to regulate the systems that affect fertility.
Friday, February 5, 2010
What is an SMC?
An SMC is a single mother by choice. As I ventured deeper into this world I discovered there were thousands of women like me here in the US and around the world. We shared similar stories, similar hopes and dreams, and yet could also be very different in our backgrounds and values. I interact with SMCs every day, and in hearing their stories, realized how unremarkable my own journey is.
Occasionally I toss out the terms SMC or choice mom in conversation, perhaps because I hope it becomes less of an unusual idea. Sometimes I'm surprised to find that others have an intimate connection with SMCs. My friend N, for example, a 30-ish grad student and mom to a 2 year old, had an aunt who had a child through donor insemination over twenty years ago. When I brought up my own thoughts about becoming an SMC, there was nothing surprising about it to her, which was nice.
In truth, my efforts to promote awareness of SMCs have been half-hearted. Not everyone approves, of course, often blaming the moms for being selfish in bringing a child into the world without a father, going against the natural order of things, or using a child to satisfy their own emotional needs. I figure the people who are not going to approve are not going to approve, and their judgment of me doesn't really matter. However, I would hesitate to bring this up with someone unless I felt they were going to treat it with respect, empathy, and compassion. I certainly did not need a lot of negative energy and judgmental thoughts (I can manage those on my own, thank you very much) while carefully thinking through my decision and plan of action.
As for the child not having a father, I believe that my child will have a father, even if he or she does not have one at birth. I am convinced that I will meet someone who will be my husband, life partner, lover, and friend. However, I am not so sure that this will happen during my child-bearing years. I've done my share of trying to meet someone, and men on online dating sites who still want to form families don't always look at women over the age of 36. I expect that being an SMC takes the pressure off of dating and relationships, and that once I have a child, I can date without the pressure of finding someone in time to have a baby. SMCs who have gotten married after having their child say that their relationships are much better at this point in their life, when the pressure from the biological clock is off.
Perhaps all it takes is someone with J-Lo's celebrity status to make the masses more aware, and perhaps less disapproving, of choice motherhood. In the soon-to-be-released movie The Backup Plan, J-Lo plays a young woman who goes through artifical insemination to have a baby, only to then meet the man of her dreams. Yes, I'm sure this happens to all SMCs. Still, it might be worth a laugh.
Single moms certainly are not unusual, but the basic difference is that most SMCs identify themselves quite strongly as women who have made a decision not to wait for marriage, and who have carefully considered the social, emotional, financial, and legal issues before proceeding to become mothers on their own through donor insemination or adoption. They are usually financially stable, and in their 30s or 40s.
Some other SMCs became part of the group when they unintentionally became pregnant and decided they did not necessarily want to get married or coparent with someone.
For those considering this or curious about this, here are some useful resources. The first is SMC, founded by Jane Mattes in 1981. Membership in SMC gives you access to a number of email discussion groups where thousands of wise, generous, and brave women share their experiences and support each other in choice motherhood. This has been a lifeline for me.
http://www.singlemothersbychoice.com/
http://www.choosingsinglemotherhood.com/index.cfm?id=6
http://www.knockyourselfup.com/Home.html
Occasionally I toss out the terms SMC or choice mom in conversation, perhaps because I hope it becomes less of an unusual idea. Sometimes I'm surprised to find that others have an intimate connection with SMCs. My friend N, for example, a 30-ish grad student and mom to a 2 year old, had an aunt who had a child through donor insemination over twenty years ago. When I brought up my own thoughts about becoming an SMC, there was nothing surprising about it to her, which was nice.
In truth, my efforts to promote awareness of SMCs have been half-hearted. Not everyone approves, of course, often blaming the moms for being selfish in bringing a child into the world without a father, going against the natural order of things, or using a child to satisfy their own emotional needs. I figure the people who are not going to approve are not going to approve, and their judgment of me doesn't really matter. However, I would hesitate to bring this up with someone unless I felt they were going to treat it with respect, empathy, and compassion. I certainly did not need a lot of negative energy and judgmental thoughts (I can manage those on my own, thank you very much) while carefully thinking through my decision and plan of action.
As for the child not having a father, I believe that my child will have a father, even if he or she does not have one at birth. I am convinced that I will meet someone who will be my husband, life partner, lover, and friend. However, I am not so sure that this will happen during my child-bearing years. I've done my share of trying to meet someone, and men on online dating sites who still want to form families don't always look at women over the age of 36. I expect that being an SMC takes the pressure off of dating and relationships, and that once I have a child, I can date without the pressure of finding someone in time to have a baby. SMCs who have gotten married after having their child say that their relationships are much better at this point in their life, when the pressure from the biological clock is off.
Perhaps all it takes is someone with J-Lo's celebrity status to make the masses more aware, and perhaps less disapproving, of choice motherhood. In the soon-to-be-released movie The Backup Plan, J-Lo plays a young woman who goes through artifical insemination to have a baby, only to then meet the man of her dreams. Yes, I'm sure this happens to all SMCs. Still, it might be worth a laugh.
Single moms certainly are not unusual, but the basic difference is that most SMCs identify themselves quite strongly as women who have made a decision not to wait for marriage, and who have carefully considered the social, emotional, financial, and legal issues before proceeding to become mothers on their own through donor insemination or adoption. They are usually financially stable, and in their 30s or 40s.
Some other SMCs became part of the group when they unintentionally became pregnant and decided they did not necessarily want to get married or coparent with someone.
For those considering this or curious about this, here are some useful resources. The first is SMC, founded by Jane Mattes in 1981. Membership in SMC gives you access to a number of email discussion groups where thousands of wise, generous, and brave women share their experiences and support each other in choice motherhood. This has been a lifeline for me.
http://www.singlemothersbychoice.com/
http://www.choosingsinglemotherhood.com/index.cfm?id=6
http://www.knockyourselfup.com/Home.html
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